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The Luddite

An Anticapitalist Tech Blog


Google Made Me Ruin A Perfectly Good Website: A Case Study On The AI-Generated Internet
September 2023

I recently decided to run ads on a website that I own. I've never done this before. As you probably already know, I hate the ad-driven internet, but over my many years of coding, I've had many side projects, and some of these websites, browser extensions, reddit bots, and so on have proven quite popular. It is the greatest joy to make something that people find useful, or better still, makes people happy, but while others' joy does nourish the soul, it does not pay the bills. Recently, I've been spending a lot of time on one of these aforementioned side projects, which means I've been spending less time on my paid work. This has caused me to look at some of my many projects with a renewed, perhaps more ideologically compromising perspective.

The crushing irony of running ads on The Luddite seemed too much, so I tried to find the least humiliating thing I've made to attempt to monetize. I chose Apportionment Calculator. It's an interactive implementation of the algorithm used to calculate Congressional Apportionment, or the number of congressional seats each state will get based on the census. It's a neat recursive algorithm, and I made the site after being dissatisfied with all the existing online implementations. For years now, the site is consistently the top Google search result for "apportionment calculator," and gets a steady stream of traffic. It's a good website. It does one thing, and it does it well.1

You might've noticed that I linked you to "theluddite.org/apportionment.html." This is not actually where the Apportionment Calculator lives, but instead, a link to what the site looked like last week, before Google made me make it worse on purpose to make money. It is common knowledge that Google is cluttering the internet with SEO blogspam ad-driven garbage; less known is how direct, and even banal, this causal relationship really is. Much has been written about how Google results are getting worse. Most readers are probably old enough to remember searching for recipes in the early 2010s and being linked to useful websites. Now the results look like this:

A search for gluten free apple crisp. Results include websites like mygluten-freekitchen.com and cookieandkate.com, which are obvious blogspam full of ads

You can tell just by looking at the URLs that those sites are going to be worthelss blogspam. The results for recipes have become so absurd that there are now tools that exist just to extract the recipe from these cluttered, presumed exemplars of capitalist efficiency. Here's a screenshot of what you see if you click the first result:

See description below

The page is full of ads. You have to scroll past a dozen or so photos, links to videos, calls to share the recipe on social media, more ads, worthless descriptions of how much the author loves to take this crisp to fall potlucks, discussions on what ingredients can be substituted, even more ads, and so on, until you finally reach the damn recipe.

Here is a screenshot of that page, cleaned up using this recipe extraction tool.

What an improvement! This is what Google results for recipes looked like just 10 years ago. Like last week's version of the Apportionment Calculator, it gives you what you're looking for. No more, no less.

At this point in my story, I was just trying to monetize my site, not generate a case study in how Google has ruined the internet, so I did try to avoid using Google's ad network, called AdSense. I looked into a half-dozen or so alternatives, but all the other companies were either simply Google ads re-sellers, which is an ecosystem I don't quite understand, or were extremely sketchy, and had reviews complaining about how they trick people into downloading malware and such. I'm willing to sell people unregulated erectile dysfunction medication or tell them about sexy singles in their area, but tricking people into downloading viruses is a bit too far.

Having personally confirmed Google's monopoly on advertising, I dutifully created my Google AdSense account, like many an aspiring entrepreneur before me. There, I learned that my website had to be approved by Google. After a relatively painless application process, I submitted it for review. 24 hours later, I received the following email:

Thanks for submitting your site apportionmentcalculator.com for AdSense. The team has reviewed it, but unfortunately your site isn’t ready to show ads at this time. There are some issues which need fixing before your site is ready to show ads. For more information, visit the 'Sites' page in your account. You can find more details and application tips in the below video (video is titled Get Your Site Approved)

I didn't think to screenshot it at the time, but the AdSense UI gave me more information. It said my website didn't meet their guidelines, and that this usually means I don't have unique content, and/or my content is unoriginal. In my innocence, I figured that this must be a simple mistake. Surely, the rushed reviewer didn't realize that my tool wasn't simply a table containing the census results, but a neat interactive tool that people actually use every single day, so I added a little blurb to the top explaining this and resubmitted it. 24 hours later, I received the same rejection email, with the same information.

This time, I did some research. I talked to people I know who actually know about these things.2 I read some forums. The unanimous conclusion was that Google wants you to have a lot of content before they will approve you, and more importantly, the quality of the content doesn't really matter. Instead of feeling defeated, like every other millennial that doesn't want to work, I decided to hustle. I rose and groaned. I turned to the crucible of mediocrity.

First, I asked ChatGPT to write the history of congressional apportionment. I even had it format it into HTML, after which I blindly copy-pasted it without so much as reading it. In fact, I still have no idea what it says. The site still looked sparse, and my research said that Google likes a lot of content. I decided to follow the age-old advice, "write what you know." Since most of my interaction with SEO/advertising blogspam is recipes, I added a "Recipes" tab, and asked ChatGPT to create an apportionment-themed recipes page for a blog about congressional apportionment, which it titled "Apportionment Eats: Recipes Celebrating American Representation." Here's one of the recipes it made:


Algorithmic Delight Dessert

The Algorithmic Delight Dessert is a delicious and creative treat inspired by the method of apportionment used to appoint representatives for states in the USA. Just as the method allocates seats in a fair and balanced manner, this dessert combines different elements in perfect harmony. With layers representing states and a sweet, creamy filling symbolizing unity, this dessert is a delightful representation of mathematical balance and culinary satisfaction.

Ingredients:

  1. Prepare the Base:
    • In a bowl, mix the crushed graham crackers and melted butter until the mixture resembles wet sand.
    • Press the mixture firmly into the bottom of a serving dish or individual dessert cups to create a solid base. Place it in the refrigerator to set while you prepare the other layers.
  2. Create the State Layers:
    • In a saucepan, combine the diced fruits, sugar, and lemon juice. Cook over medium heat until the fruits soften and release their juices, forming a sweet compote.
    • Allow the compote to cool slightly before layering it over the graham cracker base. Spread it evenly to represent the diverse states in the USA.
  3. Whip up the Unity Filling:
    • In a mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese until smooth and creamy. Add powdered sugar and vanilla extract, and continue to mix until well combined.
    • In a separate bowl, whip the heavy whipping cream until soft peaks form.
    • Gently fold the whipped cream into the cream cheese mixture to create a luscious, unified filling that embodies the harmonious cooperation of the states.
  4. Assemble the Algorithmic Delight:
    • Carefully spread the unity filling over the fruit layer, ensuring an even distribution. This layer represents the algorithmic balance achieved through apportionment.
    • Place the dessert back in the refrigerator and allow it to chill for at least 2-3 hours, or until the layers set and the flavors meld together.
  5. Serve and Enjoy
    • Once set, remove the dessert from the refrigerator.
    • You can garnish the top with a sprinkle of crushed graham crackers or some fresh fruit to represent the final touch of representation.
    • Scoop out portions and serve this Algorithmic Delight Dessert to celebrate the mathematical ingenuity and delicious taste it brings to your table.

This dessert not only tantalizes your taste buds but also serves as a conversation starter about the intricate methods behind political representation. Enjoy your Algorithmic Delight Dessert with friends and family while discussing the delicate art of apportionment!


This is such deranged, low-quality content. I figured that there's no way Google would actually approve it, but at this point, I was committed, and everyone who makes The Luddite happen was now involved, along with a few friends. We brainstormed what other pages we could add to the site, and decided to add a "poetry corner" and a "monthly riddle contest." We asked ChatGPT to create these pages. Here's a sample poem, from the page ChatGPT titled "Voices of Allocation," though I admit we contributed to this one by inventing the pseudonym:


Might, Majority, and Fair Apportionment

By Garbanzo Le Goumme

In the tapestry of tales, a story unfolds,
Of might and right, and truths yet untold.
Arthur's quest, a kingdom to bring,
As themes entwine in this literary spring.

Might makes right, a concept debated,
As swords clash and fates are fated.
In Camelot's realm, power entwined,
A question of ethics, a quandary of mind.

Yet Arthur's wisdom, a beacon of grace,
Seeks justice's path in a passionate race.
The power to rule, not solely by might,
But by heart's intent, and morality's light.

Enter democracy's realm, majority's voice,
The principle grand where we all make a choice.
But beware, as the many decide,
The minority's plea, can it too subside?

Apportionment's key, a balance we seek,
Ensuring fair representation to the unique.
Each voice matters, as the puzzle unfolds,
From states large and small, democracy molds.

For in these tales entwined, threads of thought,
A narrative woven, with lessons we're taught.
Might, majority, and fair apportionment unite,
Shaping our world's future, in the realm of light.


Since poems don't really require logical consistency, it is, relatively speaking, not so bad at generating plausible mediocre poetry, but it's terrible at riddles. Here's a sample from the page it titled "Riddle the Seats: Puzzles on Congressional Apportionment."


In puzzles of power, I hold the key,
An idiom for deals, you'll surely see.
When reaching accord, it's often our guide,
To meet in the middle, where interests coincide.

What am I?

Solution: Meet halfway


This is the only riddle for which the answer wasn't simply "Congressional Apportionment," and it's pretty bad.

In researching how much content was enough, we had learned that Google prefers that you have a blog. People on the internet theorize that this is because blogs are continuously updated, and therefore people will keep coming back. This seems a tenuous theory, but who are we to question Google? What Google wants Google gets. We asked ChatGPT to generate us a blog page for the proprietors of this site, who call themselves the "Apportionistas." We explained to ChatGPT that they are a couple with a dog named Nero, a cat named Scipio, and an unhealthy and frankly unhinged obsession with congressional apportionment. Here's their most recent post, about their apportionment/scrapbooking hobby:


#CongressionalCraze #NeroAndScipioAdventures #MappingTheNation

Hey there, fellow political enthusiasts and furry friend lovers! We're Alex and Taylor, and we're on a mission to document our obsession with congressional apportionment. But, we're not doing it alone – our faithful companions, Nero the dog 🐢 and Scipio the cat 🐱, are along for the ride. πŸš—

As many of you know, congressional apportionment is the process of determining how many seats each state gets in the U.S. House of Representatives. It's a topic that might make some people yawn, but for us, it's like a thrilling adventure!

We decided to take our love for apportionment to the next level by creating a scrapbook that captures the essence of this intricate process. From the history of apportionment to the latest census data, we're leaving no stone unturned. And, of course, we couldn't resist adding a dash of creativity to our project. 🎨

Our scrapbook, fondly named "Apportionment Odyssey," starts with a timeline that delves into the history of congressional apportionment. We've gathered fascinating facts, such as the original apportionment formula created by Alexander Hamilton, and how it has evolved over the centuries. It's incredible to see how our nation's representation has transformed!

Nero and Scipio are always eager to help with our scrapbooking. Nero loves to "fetch" information from the internet, while Scipio, with his keen eye, ensures every detail is in its place. They truly are our dynamic duo! 🐾

In the scrapbook, we've included a section where we explore each state's unique journey through apportionment. We've gathered data on population growth, demographic changes, and even the challenges faced by states in recent decades. #StateOfTheUnion

The 2020 Census played a significant role in determining the new apportionment numbers, so we couldn't skip this part of our journey. Nero and Scipio eagerly posed for a photo next to our map with colorful pins representing the 435 congressional districts. πŸ“

Our favorite section of "Apportionment Odyssey" is the art gallery. We've crafted maps and infographics that visually represent the apportionment process. We used our creative skills to make it accessible and engaging for everyone, even those who may not be as passionate about politics as we are! 🎨

As our scrapbook project nears its completion, we're excited to share our passion for congressional apportionment with the world. We believe that understanding this process is essential for every citizen. It shapes our democracy and ensures our voices are heard in Congress.

But don't worry, our adventures are far from over! With Nero and Scipio by our side, we're ready to tackle more political puzzles and embark on new projects. Stay tuned for updates on our next obsession. πŸ“šπŸ•πŸˆ

So, whether you're a political junkie, a pet lover, or just someone looking for a unique hobby, we hope our #ApportionmentOdyssey inspires you to dive into your passions and document your own journey. Together, we can make politics a little less intimidating and a lot more fun!

Thanks for joining us on this adventure, fellow apportionistas. Don't forget to follow us on social media for more updates and to share your own scrapbook projects! Until next time! 🌟 #ScrapbookAdventures #CongressionalCuriosity

Until our next quirk-tastic escapade,
Alex, Taylor, Nero, and Scipio 🐢🐱


ChatGPT made us several blogposts, each more deranged than the last. The first post, allegedly from September of 2022, starts like this: "Our adventure takes us beyond the realm of congressional apportionment and into the crisp orchards of autumn – yes, you guessed it, it's apple-picking season," and they sign off with the delightfully absurd and wildly implausible valediction, "[w]ith apples and democracy in mind."

The Luddite's crack illustrator also made a few quick drawings, the only part of the content we added to appease Google that isn't absolute trash. Here's our obnoxiously patriotic logo:

Satisfied that we had enough content, but also convinced that Alex and Taylor belong on the no-fly list, I re-submitted the site for review. Previous submissions had taken 24 hours, but this took a week. It was agonizing. Every night, I worried the Secret Service would break down my door looking for these deeply disturbed, apple-picking threats to national security, and every morning I excitedly checked my email, hoping they would approve me. Finally, on the 5th of September, in the year of Our Lord 2023, Google approved Alex and Taylor, two probably dangerous perverts, to display Google ads.

It is my distinct pleasure to present to you, my fellow Apportionistas, the stupidest thing I have ever made: apportionmentcalculator.com.


1. Do One Thing And Do It Well, also known as DOTADIW, is an influential and important concept in programming. I really like DOTADIW. Many of the most important tools used by programmers still follow DOTADIW, though vanishingly few consumer-facing applications do. We once again see a distinction between good digital technology and profitable digital technology.

2. A special thanks to my friend Theresa.